The Ultimate Guide to Great Sex

God created sex. He knows all of the possible ways to have sex. He is the ultimate expert on sex. And He wants us to have sex. Don't you want to know what He has to say about sex? Sex is a gift from God and like all of God's gifts, He provides us with instructions on how best to use it.

When I was in grade 10, I received a rare piece of advice from my English teacher Mr. Gubbels: "wait until you're married to have sex." He said it to the whole class, I don't remember why he said it or why we were even supposed to wait, but that message stuck with me. Perhaps the idea carried weight coming from the teacher I respected the most or perhaps God used that seed to protect me until I became a Christian and understood its significance years later. Either way I'm glad I waited and here's why.

Sex is more than just a physical act. Matthew 19:4-6 says that sex bonds a man and women together into one flesh. Every time we have sex with someone there is a spiritual, emotional, and physical connection that takes place. Nicky Gumbel from the Alpha Course, explains it like gluing together two pieces of corrugated cardboard. When you try to separate them you have little bits of cardboard from the other person stuck to you and you've lost some of yourself on them.

In addition to the bond that takes place, you also build up experiences and expectations from all of your relationships. When you do get married all of your previous partners get piled up onto your spouse. Instead of the new and special intimacy that God intended for you, you have a muddled connection filled with comparisons of every other person you've slept with. Its impossible not to project all of these other times onto your spouse.

Pornography does the same thing. Porn stars are paid over-actors who respond to sex in ways our spouses never will. But if we believe the lie that wives are supposed to act like caged animals or that husband are supposed to go and go for hours at a time, then we set ourselves up for disappointment and we rob our spouses of the intimacy that they deserve. Every time we choose pornography over our spouse we limit our ability to have rewarding sex with them.

"Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex" - Hebrews 13:4

  

Clearly God has designed sex to be engaged in within the confines of marriage between a man and a women. If my words carry any weight, like my grade 10 teacher's did, my advice would be to just wait. Sex is not harmless, pornography is not harmless, they carry consequences that Hollywood hides. Life is long, marriage is supposed to be long, sex is short, don't let a few minutes of passion steal the full potential of God's gift of sex with your marriage partner.

 



A Parable of Poorly Proposed Parachutes

This is a story of salvation.

John was travelling from Boston to LA on United Airlines Flight 175 on September 11, 2001. This was his first time flying. He did not know that the flight would be hijacked and crashed into the South Tower of the World Trade Center, killing him and everyone on board.

Two days prior to this dreadful day, John was given a parachute. He had reluctantly attended a religious revival meeting with his neighbor. At the meeting, everyone was wearing a parachute except for a handful of people, like John, spread throughout the meeting hall. The speaker explained that the maker of the parachutes loved them all very much and that the parachutes were specially designed to make their lives better. With the parachutes on they were "more than conquerors" and "blessings and power would start to flow through their lives". When they put on the parachutes they would have "communion with the parachute maker" and he would "guide them through any difficulties".

John liked this message. He wanted a better life and he could always use a good friend, so he put on the parachute. It felt great. It was comfortable and he fit in with all of these new people that instantly liked him and wanted to be his friend. He had never been happier. This high extended into the next day and even though he was getting strange looks from his co-workers back at the office, he was too caught up in his new gift to notice.

In the airport the following day, he began to be aware of the strange glances he was receiving from the other travelers. He picked up the sarcasm now in the voices when passerbies complemented him on his parachute. He began to fidget with straps of the chute as they rubbed on his shoulders. Thoughts came into his head as he sat and waited. "This parachute really isn't that comfortable". "Why isn't anyone else wearing one?" "where are the blessings I was promised, this is starting to feel like more work to me."

Finally he had had enough of the looks, the insults, and the people questioning him on what he was doing so he took off the parachute, boarded the plane, and took his seat with a smile on his face as he was congratulated by his fellow travellers for finally coming to his senses. He died instantly 45 minutes later.

What if...

What if John was not sold a parachute of abundance, love, and a better life and instead he received a parachute of salvation. What if he was told that one day he would be on a flight that would crash and the only way he would survive would be to jump out of the plane wearing this parachute.

He would know that his life wouldn't necessarily be easier or more comfortable and that people would misunderstand his need for the chute. They would call him weak or extreme or gullible. They would try to convince him to take off the parachute for just one flight and try things their way. But he would persevere because he believed that one day his flight would crash and the parachute was the only thing that would save him from death.

What parachute do you sell?

Jesus taught that God's good news was a parachute of salvation that could be bought by turning away from the garbage in their lives and accepting His free gift (Mark 1:14-15). This is a lasting parachute that can withstand the trials of this world. It covers the facts: we are all going to die, we have all done stuff wrong that we need forgiveness for, only the parachute can save us from eternal death. Blessings, healings, happiness, fulfillment, power and any other nice to haves are all secondary bonuses that you may or may not experience as a Christian.

Our honeymoon flight from Hong Kong to Borneo where we climed Mt. Kinabalu

Homosexuals can't be Christians?

Christianity and homosexuality don't mix? Why not? Does the Bible say anything about homosexual orientation and homosexual practice?

Christians are supposed to love everyone and allow God to speak to them about their sins through the Holy Spirit. It's not our place to tell anyone that they have to change (because God doesn't require them to) before they can come to God through a relationship with Jesus and be called a Christian. That includes Homosexuals.

The Facts:

1) Did Jesus ever mentioned homosexuality during his time on Earth as recorded in the Bible?

No. Jesus spoke on many issues and broke down many social traditions but he never spoke on homosexuality.

2) Is homosexual orientation mentioned in the Bible?

No. Feel free to prove me wrong, but there are no discussions on homosexual orientation in the Bible.

2) Is the physical act of homosexuality mentioned in the Bible?

Yes. The word the Bible used for homosexuality is the Greek word arsenokoitēs which describes the physical act of sexually intercourse with someone of the same sex. Homosexuality as a physical act is mentioned twice in the Bible: 1 Timothy 1:10 and 1 Corinthians 6:9. Lets look at each in their full context:

Timothy:

1 Timothy 3-11 is a warning from the apostle Paul against false teachings. There were a lot of religious folk going around claiming they were experts and drawing people away from the core teachings of Christianity. He wished that "all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith. But some people have missed this whole point" (1 Tim 1:5-6).

He then list a series of people or sins, that Jesus came to help: "The law is for people who are sexually immoral, or who practice homosexuality, or are slave traders, liars, promise breakers, or who do anything else that contradicts the wholesome teaching that comes from the glorious Good News entrusted to me by our blessed God" (1 Tim 1:10-11)

Corinthians:

 

1 Corinthians 6:9-20 is made up of two parts: inheriting the Kingdom of God and sex outside of marriage. Homosexuality is mentioned in verse 9 along with idol worshippers, drunkards, and cheats as examples of the types of people who will not inherit the Kingdom of God (another name for going to Heaven). But before you scream out "that's crazy I got drunk once does that mean I'm not going to Heaven", we need to look at what Paul says in the next sentence. He says that a lot of us were like that and did those things but we were cleansed and made right with God when we accepted Jesus. This then means that homosexuals, idol worshipper, drunkards, and cheats will all go to Heaven if they call on the name of Jesus to be saved.

 

But wait there is more. Right after saying this Paul spends the next 9 verses letting us know how dangerous sex is if not done as God designed it. He says "Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body" (1 Cor 6:18).

 

My Take:

 

Homosexuals have no more or less right to be Christians than anyone else and Paul says they can be, so lets drop any misguided hatred that we may be holding onto. Religion, which is a bunch of do's and don'ts, teaches us to hate sin. Christianity, which is a relationship, teaches us to love people the way Jesus did. Let's be known as Christians who are for people, instead of the group that is always against stuff.
 

No this is not a depiction of a homosexual relationship between Chewbacca and a police officer, just a LEGO house my son made.

 

The Virtuous Life....Part 1 - Right Motivation

In theory the virtuous life is a life that strives to uphold God’s standard in every instance. Not out of fear, duty, or religiousity, but out of love. In practice, I have found this pure existence to be impossible, but God wants me to keep trying. Its in the trying that I lean closer to God and start to hear Him speaking to me. The goal is not to stop messing up, because I always will, but to reduce the time I spend away from God. This 3 part post  will investigate the core issues involved with leading a virtuous life and how leading such a life can make a difference in the local church.

Right Motivation

Motivation is the key driver in leading the virtuous life. The task is just too difficult and I give up if I don't have the right motivation. Gregory of Nyssa phrased the only motivation that can sustain such a pursuit perfectly when he said: “we regard falling from God’s friendship as the only thing dreadful and we consider becoming God’s friend the only thing worthy of honor and desire. This … is the perfection of life.” What this means in practice is that I must search out God’s heart and His word to determine what pleases Him, who does He call friend, and what guidelines does He give us.

I seek out these things because God loves me and my spirit yearns to love Him back. This love motivation puts the relationship above the rewards –both earthly and heavenly. Earthly rewards call out to me, distracting me from my true pursuit and purpose. They are temporary things that provide pleasure in the moment but keep drawing me off course. I view heavenly rewards as bonuses to the relationship I gain and the perfect love I get to experience in Jesus.

In the next 2 posts we will look at beneficial temptations, self-denial, and the impact the virtuous life has on the local church. I'd love to hear from you if this got you thinking or challenged you in an area of your life right now. Thanks for reading!
 

Getting My Joy Back

Four factors have impacted my emotional journey to bring me to the man I am today. 

1. Good Parents

My mom was able to stay at home and raise myself, my brother (2.5 years younger), and my sister (4.5 years younger). The stability of having my mom home and not having to go to different daycares really gave me a safe and trusting base that allowed for a peaceful childhood. My dad also had the flexibility in his schedule to come on field trips with us, join us for street hockey games, and take us fishing. This added to the loving, stable environment.

2. Bullying

I tried out for an AAA hockey team when I was 13. I did not initially make the team as I was younger and undersized (100 lbs vs. 160+ lbs) but I was allowed to practice with the team while I played in a lower division. A few games into the season I was called up and made the team. This did not sit well with the other players and I was bullied at every opportunity. I finally broke my collar bone during a game and chose not to return to the team or hockey after I had healed. I never told anyone the real reason for quitting was the bullying as everyone assumed I made the decision based on my injury. This experience caused me to retreat inside and become bitter, untrusting, and shy. It stole my joy and innocence.

3. Loneliness

As this was happening, I had also changed schools – switching from public to private. I came into the school knowing no one and found it difficult to make friends. I would wander the hallways during break just pretending to be busy and happy. It left me feeling lonely and I continued my retreat further inside.

4. Jesus

Winter of 2003 as a 24 year-old I got my joy back. The fourth and final emotional formation factor was my connection to Coastal Church and the Alpha Course. I had accepted Christ the year before but had not gotten plugged in or mentored by a local church. Through the training of Alpha, bible school, the Sunday messages, and numerous mentoring sessions, I finally understood and received the full truth of Christ. This began a transformation inside of me that allowed me to love myself and forgive the people in my past who had hurt me. I received a redeemed child-like joy that is amazing. Being a Christian is not easy, but for me it's provided purpose, joy, and an eternal friend in Jesus.
 

Guest Post: A Vision Not Yet My Own

Hello there! My name is Hazel, wife of Andrew, mother to his children, and I blog at A Legg Up, a space where I share snippets of our everyday. In one of my blog posts I talked about my struggles of accepting myself as a mother. If you haven't read it yet go here, as I will be elaborating on this topic.

Back in what I call my workaholic days, before I got married, I had a very clear picture of what I was going to do with my life. What my career would be, what my lifestyle would be like, and definitely what my priorities are towards children. Then, over the span of a couple of years, my perspective changed, I was beginning to see what God had in store for me. Yet, all the while, I was holding onto what I wanted. I call this my Jonah phase. I knew what God wanted me to do, but I was running the other way. Those three days and three nights inside a whale for Jonah? It was more like three years for me. (Not spent inside a whale, fortunately, but now that I think of it, maybe it would have only taken 3 seconds inside a whale for me to snap out of it.)

Don't copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect His will really is. Romans 12:2

See here's the thing, if you want to know what God's will is for you, just ask him! He's gonna tell you. But it's one thing to know what God's vision is for you, and it's a whole other thing to actually accept it, and to do it! You know that Jonah was still not convinced after he did what God asked of him. You think that whale experience would have been enough! But no. Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. God transformed Jonah's thinking. And God transformed my thinking. Actually, it should be, I finally LET God transform my thinking. God's there to help, but you have to be willing to let him.

Spirit-Empowered Living

"In the X-ray light of eternity we may be given to see the dark spots of life, and divine grace may be given to reinforce our will to complete abandonment in him... He asks all, but he gives all” - Thomas Kelly

The Spirit-empowered life surrenders our will for the will of God. We listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and we choose His direction over our own.

As we surrender our will and put God’s ways higher we build up our relationship with Him and begin to recognize His voice over the noise around us. This allows us to hear God’s call and make ourselves available for God to use us. The Spirit-empowered life is one that provides God a direct access hotline to our hearts so that He may always stir us to action when there is Godly work to be done.

This availability may be outward focused to the mission field all around us or it may be directed inward, speaking directly to our souls. God tells us “but in your hearts sanctify Christ as Lord. Always be ready to make your defense to anyone who demands from you an accounting for the hope that is in you” (1 Peter 3:15). We ready ourselves by living out the hope He has given us and listening for His call to share.

How do you make your self available to God and what has He been able to do through your availability? I'd love to hear from you.